So when do you know that you need to walk away? When do you know that enough is enough? What’s the definition of enough anyways? Everybody works within their own limitations, level of tolerance and persistence . Some of us are not easy quitters while a few of us give in easily. Who ends up doing better job in relationships ? I know I am making relationships sound like work right now but isn’t it? Isn’t it a job with mutual efforts and hard work from both ends in order to sustain it in the long run? I mean a one sided effort is only futile. Coming back to the question of who ends up doing better..the ones who just go with their instincts and leave instead of understanding, adjusting, being the bigger person or the ones who never give up on the ones they love irrespective of how they get treated in return ? There can be a lot of arguments around this. Maybe the ones who give in easily do so because they are extremely emotional which is why they hurt easily and just leave heartbroken. Maybe the stronger ones are always willing to stay and make the relationship work at any cost. A second theory could be completely contradicting i.e maybe the ones who leave early are strong enough to leave and the ones who choose to stay and work around it are more emotional and weak that’s why they have a hard time letting go. The truth is that we human beings are so complex in our mind and so different from each other that nothing can be generalised . I often hear people talk “They are no longer together because of his or her fault”. But the reality is that we never know. Even after living with someone for ten years or so, you just never know who he/she is. So, it’s best to just know yourself instead. The most fascinating thing about we Homo sapiens is that unlike machines “We cannot be controlled or made to think or function in a desired manner!” If something has to end, darling! It will! If it is meant to be, it will stay. Life is all gray. There is no black or white. We human beings are also changing constantly. Finding happiness within ourselves instead of finding it in a perfect relationship is the key to being happy forever. Also to be okay if things do not work as planned because you don’t know what life’s planned for you. Sometimes life surprises you with better things than expected ,isn’t it ?
I had enrolled myself for a beauty pageant in college. I was an eloquent cream skinned brunette, which made me think that I had fair chances of winning. Let’s say I was way too over confident about myself. While at the peak of ones youth, we all tend to have foolish airs about ourselves. I was no less. I cleared the first and second round easily. Now, the last round was left. I thought “I am winning this for sure. This is definitely a cake walk for me!” The question answer round started. Simple basic questions were being asked like what’s your definition of beauty, what would you change if you were the president of the country..etc..etc. Then came my turn. One of the people from the jury picked up the mike and asked “Hi Alice! So, if you become invisible for a day, what would you do?” “I thought ..this was a little different question. But it’s okay il answer it.” So, this is what I ended up saying. I innocently spoke the first thing that came to my mind. “I would like to enter my friends house and hear what they talk about me behind my back so that I know who my true friends are ..who would stay with me through thick and thin. Thank you !” Ofcourse I lost. I thought nobody was prepared to hear honest and blunt replies. Maybe they wanted me to talk about helping the poor or bringing about a positive change in the world. You know the idealistic answers. But were they any practical? No! I went home and told my parents “I dint win”! My mom consoled me with chocolate ice cream but my dad was curious. He asked me about the question I was asked and on hearing about my response, he laughed out loud. I felt a little small. I asked him” what’s so funny”! He said ” you know it was a competition, so you should’ve sounded more visionary or like a fantasist if you wanted to win but I am not laughing at your innocent reply sweety !” I was taken aback. “What is it then? Dad?” He went on : ” Honey, you don’t want to get invisible and hear what others talk or think about you because you will be surprised or shocked to know how little they actually think of you “! Live in your bubble of happiness. The ones who are good to you, treat them with kindness. The ones who are bad to you, ignore them. Sometimes knowing too much can hurt too much too. So, judge no one and don’t try and be so inquisitive about what’s going on in others heads always. “You can’t control how other people see you or think of you. And you have to be comfortable with that!” That’s a big part of growing up which most adults also forget sometimes. Just work on yourself and always see the best in people. Also, it’s important to not take things personally. What others talk about you, is their reality not yours! I’ve always treated this as one of my most important life lessons and I hope you treat it like one yourself. Peace out and happy weekend guys!!
I just realised that I have more than a 100 followers on WordPress. I want to thank you all for bearing with me. Writing is therapeutic for me and having people actually read my content, value and acknowledge my thoughts and follow my blog is really an icing on the cake. I couldn’t have asked for more. I really appreciate this guys…more than you may ever know. Happy blogging and thanks a ton again 💟🙏🏻
Hope..a word so close to home and still far far away from reality at the same time! They say hope sustains life. It encourages us to keep moving forward, to keep believing . When it comes to the work front, what is the use of hope without hardwork? I think It’s futile in relationships as well. So many poets have written elaborate poems and sonnets on how the lovers yearn and hope for the love of their beloved. Hope for her to return back one day..that she would realise his futile efforts and finally win her love, but does that really happen? Even the psychological connections/ telepathy fails to bring two individuals together if their thinking wavelength is not at the same pace. But still most of us live on hope or I would rather say “in denial”! I am not exactly an expert in relationships but I feel that people who drag you to the extent that you have to wait for them to return or in other words hope that they will return, hope that they will change one day is merely a waste of time. Love and stick to those who love you with their whole hearts..without any waiting period, without any false hopes! So what if he/she seemed so perfect for you or appeared to be your soulmate for some fragment of moments or even seconds in some cases. Just remember that nothing is perfect in this imperfect world. Settle for the heart that feels pure and is willing to accept you for who you are & dosent keep you lingering onto the vain word “HOPE“!
We are often driven towards melancholy now a days. Some people grow sad because they constantly compare their situations with others. Everything looks better on the outside. The neighbours new car, his garden, his job, his house and sometimes even his wife ! What we fail to understand is that there is no end to greed and one must learn to stay content in whatever he/she has and every situation he has been placed in. We must value today since it won’t be the same tomorrow. Its extremely important to cherish that moment even thought it might not be perfect or even near to perfection ! I often hear people talk about the same routine. How they get stuck in the same humdrum jobs, same life! I think it’s of immense importance to break the monotony sometimes but at the same time I also feel that we must learn and practice to see things differently ! You must be wondering what am I talking about here. Let me explain this to you with an example… There are two people …lets say Tom & Brad! Brad wakes up…eats breakfast ..drives to his office …finishes his work late ..comes back home …eats supper and goes off to sleep. He always cribs about his life! Tom on the other hand realises the importance of noticing and observing how no days can be similar. He wakes up, selects a different cereal everyday and plays a new track in his car to this work. At his workplace, interacts with his colleagues, talks about work and so many other things and common interests that he possibly shares with them. Talking leads to learning new things, opening new hearts, venting out feelings which is itself therapeutic in many ways! Sometimes also brings out “laughter” that is contagious ! Even when Tom does not go out for dinner or drinks but comes back home to his family …the pleasure of having dinner with them brings him immense pleasure. He therefore remains grateful for each day and chooses to stay content. I know that it’s not easy to be this ways. We don’t stay in a utopian world after all. I also understand that there are days that bring utter grief and sometimes leaves us in exasperation. But it’s of immense importance to not just remember the rainy days but instead focus on the silver linings in life! We must try and find happiness in the little things in life, try to stay happy with what we have ! Strive to be better but by only trying & not complaining . Whoever is reading this, I hope this little article brings about some positivity in your lives and you learn to live in the moment .
“He is actually going through a lot at work” ” He dint mean to do it”
” I love him a lot so I will wait for him to change!” “He loves me but doesn’t have a control on his temper!”
” I have to endure it because I have no place to go and this is easier than struggling out on my own!” You often hear these excuses from women on being asked “why are they still with the man who abuses them?” Abuse is not just physical. It can be psychological and emotional too in the form of regular patterns of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism. Sometimes more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Generally, most women choose to stay in such relationships largely because of the following reasons:
“A low self esteem and confidence,
When they have no other place to go or have a financial dependency on their husbands, Scared of being alone,
To protect their children ,
To fake a normal family life in the eyes of the society ,
Abnormal childhood or dominating fathers ,
Some women get their sense of worth only after being with a man. ”
I understand that these issues might be very difficult to cope up by a few of us but if we gather a little courage and decide when to draw a line….when to finally decide that enough is enough, nothing is impossible. If we do not hesitate to ask for help, even a little help of the right friends and family can give us a new, respectful life. Most of us are suppressed because of our dependency on men. Although it feels proud to see an alarming no of women working these days but still many of us choose to stay dependent instead. Most of the above mentioned factors are linked to being Independent. For instance, if you work and move out of the house everyday , you gain a sense of self confidence which in turn builds up a higher self esteem. Also you end up bringing financial stability to yourself and your child. Now coming on to the remaining points. I fail to understand why are we so scared of ending up alone. When in solitude, we (humans) are at the peak of our creativity . There are a million things one can do in order to channelise ones energy to do something productive. For those of you who have just been out of a toxic relationship, I say travel! They say one must travel as far as possible till you find yourself, till you let go off the thorn in your flesh. In this process one ends up meeting new people and making new friends who sometimes end up becoming companions for a lifetime. For those who believe in grieving alone for sometime or do not have friends and family, adopt a pet . They have magical healing powers. Whoever has a pet will be able to relate to what I am saying. There is nothing more blissful than coming home to a them. They would always greet you with the same excitement each day till their last breath unlike humans. They would never make you feel alone even for a second and are a great companions. According to a survey and to my astonishment, a lot of rich successful women also decide to stay in abusive relationships because of the fear of being judged in the society . What they fail to understand is that it’s us who make this society. If one strong woman, stands up for herself and steps away from a man who defy’s her, she will set the right example for many others who are too weak to take this step. I had once read an article on abnormal childhood . There were two twin boys who used to watch their father beat up their mother black and blue every night after getting drunk. But still, out of the two brothers only one blindly followed his fathers footsteps while the other choose to not do so. They witnessed the same behaviour every night and had the same childhood. Then why the change? Moral values and education is the answer. The other boy decided to not do the same because he was empathetic towards his mothers pain and decided to became a better human being unlike his father. Abnormal childhood can also be worked on if you reason your brain to question your deeds which most of us fail to do. One simple thought before going to bed about what wrongs you did and how to improvise on your actions can save many lives. This is indeed a never ending topic and I can keep going on and on but today the only thing I wanted to discuss was how to fight back the reasons why most of us stay being tortured. I often blame a part of this problem on the fairy tales who have always mentioned all princesses being saved by their Prince Charming because somewhere deep inside our hearts we are all waiting to be rescued by our perfect heroes. The tragic reality is that “Darling, you have to be your own hero because everyone is busy trying to save themselves“! Find your self worth first, only then can you make others see it. For all those who have gone through this at some point in their lives and are still depressed or lonely, find patience within yourself and don’t stop living! For all of you who are presently struggling in this situation , please gather the courage and move out of your situation…”Save yourself !”
Since time immemorial …the concept of soulmates has been changing . The 14th to 17th century Renaissance artists & poets believed and preached that we have just one soulmate. They believed that once you find that special someone your world stops and you just know it. On the contrary the new generation writers, philosophers & now therapists say that there can be more than one and sometimes more than two soulmates in your life. The age of the romantics taught us to believe in pure, unadulterated love whereas in our times, we have been made to believe that it’s all a hit and try process. When u think you have found the one, give that person a try and see if it works. If it does…Voila! Good for you ! If not, wipe your tears, stand taller than before and move on. Sometimes we find the perfect ideal match in this process. Sometimes, we become so tired of this mundane process that we settle down with the one we get and decide to live with that someone just because we are comfortable in his/her skin and perhaps sometimes this road leads us onto so many heartbreaks that we decide on staying single for the rest of our lives! This era has confused us to the core. So much so that we don’t know what is love. What does this word mean…what is love anyways…the ultimate “one love”! Food for thought!!
They finally meet after 10 years just like that. It was fate playing funny again . “Trying to humour me”, she thought. He stood there numb & guilty as hell .She looked at him “all smiles”. He saw how beautiful she looked still & took two steps towards her. He leaned down to catch a good glimpse of her and to maintain an eye contact since she was way shorter than him. He was taken back to the old flashback memories of them..the long drives,the rendezvous visits, the conversations that ended all night long. This made him sad. He was now wondering why aren’t we together? What went so drastically bad that couldn’t get fixed before. His mind was now cluttered with thoughts he had never considered important before..thoughts which never could consume him like it did in her case. He whispered in her ear: “Sweet love, what led us here”? She replied…for the first time not feeling vulnerable in his presence …because she wasn’t weak. Time had healed all her wounds! She had risen from the ashes…immune to his vain charms now. She looked into his eyes without her pupils dilating & said …”babe.. Care to hear a short story”? He nodded …she continued : There was girl who lived in a far away land..She was a perfectionist…always in charge of everything in her life. She was unfamiliar with the word : “Chaos”! She had her life all planned…till the age of 60..things she wanted to do, places she wanted to see, goals she wanted to achieve! She believed that Love was merely a fantasy that only existed in the fairytales or the movies that played in Romedy now! She tried loving but failed miserably every time because she felt nothing! Her heart was as cold as ice. All she felt was a friendly alliance incapable of forming anything deeper from the men she dated in the past. Then, suddenly one day a boy walked upto her & changed everything she believed in. He dint make any extra efforts to win over her. He narrated stale poems that he probably wrote for every girl he wanted to impress, sang songs for her that he probably sang alone in the shower!! She was just his new muse while she couldn’t keep it casual this time. Every time he held her hand or kissed her, she felt her heart sink deeper. She felt helpless around him whereas he felt nothing! She kept giving in …trying to make this work but failed tremendously. One fine day, she decided to leave. She wore her running shoes and ran as far as possible…without looking back because she knew if she would do so, he would lure her to stay. Over the years there are few things she learned. None of us are cold. None of us are incapable of loving. It just takes that one person to change everything and make you experience the beautiful emotion : Love! She said :”Thanks for making me feel that I am capable of loving someone too”. The time we spent together was magical! On one hand…a part of me might never stop loving you but on the other hand I’ve decided to stay away from people who give me constant heart breaks. She hugged him and left. Not all stories are perfect. Not all of them have a happy ending like in the movies. I feel that it’s important to realise the importance of leaving if you get caught in a stale relationship which is not moving ahead inspite of constant efforts only from one side. Every relationship is work & it requires continuous efforts from both ends. If you find yourself stuck in a one sided relationship, walk out before it’s too late.
Me and my brother have an age difference of six years. So, I was a lonely child for the longest time. My dad was in the navy. So, he kept getting posted and I kept changing schools. My parents insisted that I go to a boarding but I was adamant on not leaving them. This life excited me. I enjoyed change. After every two years.. change of school, change of friends, change of place. All this gave me an adrenaline rush! I hated stagnancy. I wanted to keep moving, to keep travelling, to see new places, meet new people. There were no cell phones that time so I couldn’t stay in touch with the ones I loved even if I wanted to. So, this had become a way of living for me. To get used to heartaches, to have no attachments with places, things & humans. Ofcourse, I had my moments of weakness but I had learned to guard myself up..to bottle up my feelings…to accept that nothing lasts forever! I enjoyed a tremendous learning experience which also resulted in me maturing up much earlier than my inmates. I was the girl who had a view point about everything but when it came to expressing my feelings, I just couldn’t do it . I could show love by caring for people but never express it. My parents used to often hug me and tell me how much they loved me but I could never say those three words. I had accepted that I was incapable of expressing myself. I thought maybe there are certain things that are meant to be understood on your own but not said. My understanding of relationships was all on a very platonic level which most people dint get “obviously.” One day, two of my friends : Veronica and Cameron had come over to my place for a sleepover. Veronica was one of my best friends but I dint know Cameron very well. We had just met a couple of times in parties and sometimes hung out together in college only in a group, never alone. I wouldn’t call her a friend but yes we were cordial. We chatted for long when Veronica saw the clock and said “Omg! It’s 2:00 am! I have an early yoga class tomorrow! I am sleeping. Goodnight girls” . I was a little tired myself so I asked Cameron ..”Umm so, wana slee…”.. She cut me short and said. ” I miss him” I looked at her in amazement. “Who are you talking about?” She went on : ” I was dating this guy from school. We were madly in love. After college, we had decided to tell our parents and tie a knot soon. He was a family friend. Our families were more than happy to know about our decision. Everything was going as planned. The date was set for the engagement, the outfits were ready and the invitations were out. One night, we had a huge fight. He called me while driving back home to apologise and make up. I was mad at him. He told me how much he loved me and I just hung up on him! After five minutes of my call being disconnected, he met with an accident and died on the spot!” Her eyes were heavy with tears. I dint know what to do? What to say? I was not good at these things. I just lay there..blank ..feeling so bad for her. I couldn’t move. I felt numb! “I lost him that day!” She continued, ” I often feel his bewitching sillage whenever alone, like he is here with me”. I understand that everyone has to go one day and you can’t bring back the dead. His memories would stay forever in my heart but what I regret the most is to not being able to tell him how much I loved him in our last conversation!” His death has taught me a lesson. You must always tell people how much you love them and the importance they hold in your life because you never know what lies ahead ! Don’t regret saying it but instead regret not saying so!” She slept after saying this but I couldn’t sleep that night. I woke up the next morning and hugged my parents good morning and told them how much they meant to me. Since then, I never step away from telling people how much I love them. I never met Cameron after that day but that one night changed my entire viewpoint in life. I have started believing that every individual comes to our life with the sole purpose of teaching us a lesson. Some are hard learned lessons while the others are just stories of wisdom. It is up to us to reason situations and learn something out of them. So, whoever is reading this, pick up the phone right now and call your parents,friends,husband/Boyfriend/girlfriend ,siblings and tell them how deeply you love and value their presence in your life.