I woke up this morning feeling glum. I tend to feel morbid for no reason sometimes. Was it just me being crazy or was I missing home? I can’t say. But I woke up with my head heavy like I had a hangover without drinking last night. “Hungover with my deep thoughts” ! Let me tell you that’s worst than what a few mocktails can do to you. I try and control my thoughts for so long till they get ahead of me someday and consume me. It was happening to me again. Me and Sam were supposed to take a small road trip today. Damn! I was going to ruin his mood too! I was thinking of all this tugged in a blanket, awake but refusing to get up and face the real world! Sam woke me up with a cup of coffee and kissed me on my cheek saying “Morning love! Let’s do what you love doing. Explore a new island! I love love travelling so much but something was not right today. I told him il take a rain check. He looked at me in bewilderment “Are you serious”? I cancelled all my plans for you and you are bailing out on me? I felt so bad. I said” ok! Ok! We are doing this alright”! I wore a fake smile and went to change. I dragged myself to get ready like I had to go for a math lecture. Wonder why is this happening ? Why am I not happy when it was me who wanted to go there so bad. Are we humans so complex that sometimes we don’t understand our own emotions or was it just me? Am I the crazy one? I was thinking and hoping that it’s the first reason and not the latter. So, there I was ready to go. I played my favourite track and we started driving. After half an hour, I could see that the road was getting greener and greener with lush green trees. There is something about this place. The trees here are the most beautiful ever. I felt like they were casting an enchanting spell on me! I felt a sudden drift in my mood. Slightly better from meloncholy to “Dreamy”. There it was. I could see the beach now. We stopped the car to catch a good glimpse of the view from the top. And if was breathtaking. I think I am a water baby. The closer I get to the sea, the calmer it makes me feel. It was all good from here. The beach is called Piha. Piha is 39 kilometres west of Auckland city centre, on the Tasman Sea coast to the north of the Manukau Harbour, on the western edge of the Waitakere Ranges. The beautiful view of the beach was enthralling. The rocks known as the lion rocks overlooking the beach looked splendid. The water was cold and the beach was quite isolated since it wasent summer time. I could only see few people lazying along the beautiful black sand and surfers doing what they do best. It quite felt like a magical world out here. So much quietness and untouched beauty! My day was already fruitful. I knew where to go if I would ever feel glum again. I spend a good amount of time there and later stopped by a cafe with an amazing view of the beach to have a scrumptious mushroom pizza.I came back calm and happy and went for a late night movie thereafter. Could my day be any more perfect! I got a bit of everything I love! Whatever starts badly mostly ends in a spectacular way! Something I learned from my little experience. We must try and stay positive and believe that the good will always find a way to us because it always does especially when you least expect it. Life has a funny way of surprising us always! Like Carrie says in sex and the city “The universe may not always play fair but atleast it’s got a hell of a sense humour!” Also, if you often feel low for no reason like I do, travel …explore places …even if you don’t feel like! You will experience a sudden change in your mood and learn so much and evolve as a person.
First and foremost, I would like to thank Rohini for nominating me for the real neat blog award. I was actually taken by surprise to receive this. Thank you so much for taking out time to read my blog and this nomimation ❤❤❤👉Those participating should
• Put the award logo
• Thank the people who nominated you
• Answer seven questions(You’ll find those on the blogsite of the person who nominated you)
• Nominate any number of bloggers(linking to you blog)
• Let them know by any comment that you nominated them
• Ask 7 questions
👉My Questions from Rohini are
• Who is the person you admire the most?
• I admire my Dad the most. He is my role model and my sole inspiration in life. He is always the first one I call whenever in trouble or need.
• If given a chance, you would take a free trip to which country?
• I would love to travel to Santorini in Greece. I love islands and I’ve heard that this place is spectacular. It’s next on my list for sure.
• What would you like to be in your next life?
• In my next life…no wait…in my every god damn life I would want to be a fashion designer. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do but coudnt due to xyz reasons.
• What’s your take on aliens visiting earth?
• The world we live in is already so bizarre and weird that I don’t think it would make much of a difference if aliens visit earth too.
• What is your favourite food?
• I honestly don’t have a favourite food as such. I am very moody as a person and I love experimenting with food. So, I mostly eat whatever I feel like in the spur of the moment.
• What is your favourite clothing brand?
• I love forever 21, Zara and H&M the most. The clothes are trendy and playful( just what I like).
• If I would ask you to ask yourself a question and answer it right now, what would it be?
• I would ask myself “Am I in a good space right now in life?” & my answer would be it’s only getting better with time and I am positive that “the best is yet to come!” 😇
• What’s your secret desire?
• Whats your take on love?
• What is the first thing you would do if you get invisible today?
• What is fashion to you?
• What is your most favourite person in the world whose presence makes time stop for you?
• What’s your favourite colour and why is it your favourite?
• If you get a chance to get into any of the Netflix series, which one would it be and you would like to play which character ?
Peace! Peace! Peace!! I’ve looked for you everywhere. In the quiet isolated mountains and hilltops, the lonely barren far away lands, in the mystical deserts full of deceptive mirage, in the breezy green beautiful gardens and at last in my quiet cozy room. I felt peaceful only for a while and then somehow the silence vanished in between the noisy cacaphonous sounds. I remember losing my mind one day and instantly decided to take a vacation. This time unlike me who loves being social and in larger crowds, I wanted to visit a peaceful place for the sake of the silence in my soul. I immediately remembered reading this book “Eat, Pray, Love” few years back and after watching the movie, I had made up my mind of following the same path. Thankfully being an Indian and hailing from an army background, I was well travelled across the country. I took a long trip to Italy in 2012, so that was done too. Now, the only place left to be explored was BALI : the magical land! I love beaches tremendously and thought it was time I experienced the laid back environment, treated myself with the spas and the serene beaches of this place. Maybe the sea is what would bring me innermost peace. Ofcourse the place did not dissapoint me one bit. I went to the beach every night but there was still noise. One could hear people chatting, music playing, the sound of cool breeze and the gushing water. Then, one day I decided to go underwater. It was something I hadn’t done before. My friend Bella decided on sitting on the shore, taking selfies and sipping her cola instead. Meanwhile I was excited. Always in for an adventure sums me up pretty well. Then, they made me sign an agreement that stated that if something happened to me down there, they would not be held responsible for the same. While signing the agreement, I started thinking ..what if I drown here in an unknown land, away from my family? What if I was never to return? Was this a risk worth taking? Should I do this just for my adrenaline rush ? Was I being silly? Then I thought, let’s be brave and do this. Bella took my pictures with a thumbs up (one for Instagram ) and I boarded the boat that would take me to a ship in the middle of the sea. They told me that the guy on the ship would brief me on the safety signs. As soon as I reached, I saw a girl who just got out of water scared and sick. Oh gosh! I felt scared too! The guy who was supposed to train me did not speak English. My heart sank further! I kept asking him about the safety signs and he kept moving his hands as a sign of wait! They asked me to step down the ladder of the ship into the water. “What! Hell no! I can’t”! But then I thought when has any moment in my life been without any drama! I took a dive in without much thinking. He came down with me and said thumbs down if the oxygen supply is less and up if all is well. When I went down, I saw the most beautiful fishes in all imaginable colours and the live corals. They were magnificent. It was so calm yet divine. I had never experienced this kind of peace before. I was all alone underwater and it felt so good! I cannot describe my eternal bliss! With me sinking down , I felt all my heavy troubles being lifted, raised and released to an upper surface away from the deep blue sea. I would kill to feel the same again! Even after I rose up and reached the ship, I was calm like never before. It felt strange because I am usually anxious and hyper active mostly. I kept quiet for the rest of the day. It wasn’t the quiet feel of “the sadness of the silence of the lambs” but instead the “quietness of a relaxed peaceful calm mind”. I did not say much but instead listened to Bella talk during dinner time and experienced the most blissful sleep that night thereafter! Whoever has been underwater would know what I am talking about here. For the rest of you, if you get the chance, go ahead and experience this tranquility! Have a happy, peaceful weekend filled with kindness and love! 💟
We have all been there. That heartbreak caused by a friend, family or lover. The pain is always deep and our mind often gets hazy. I still remember my first heartbreak. My mind was cluttered with so many thoughts and old memories. The memories were not that painful. They were bittersweet. It was the questions that were killing me everyday. Everyday a new question flashed in my mind. I would try and analyse and analyse and over analyse the situation over and over again till I would come up with a satisfying answer. The next night, another question. “Why did this happen to me ?” “Why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Am I so bad?” “I wonder what I did wrong?” “How could I not see this coming?” “I am so stupid!” “I am such a naive gullible fool!” For how long was I going to fool my mind to believe in what I was convinced on believing? To come up with new theories to satiate my soul. I finally gave up and ended up being sad, lonely and ultimately feeling small and worthless. The thing about darkness is that the more you feed it, the bigger it keeps getting till you are completely surrounded by it and it consumes you one day. Of course, heartbreaks are a part of life. Just because we survived once, dosen’t mean that It won’t happen again. We all come out of it, get rid of the demons inside our heads and are ready to become social again, to start trusting again, to start believing again till we get heart broken again. It’s a vicious cycle and no one , however perfect in life can escape it. So, what do we do? How do we make ourselves so strong so that the heartache is lessened during the as I call it “after being betrayed phase“. I just found my mantra and decided to share it with you guys. I say “FORGIVE YOURSELF”!! I know right! Two simple words. You must be thinking , “really” Is that it? I say yes. Try it once. Most of us die within ourselves each day thinking . We forget that we inflict emotional and traumatic pain upon ourselves while the ones who brought this on you might not even be aware of your suffering. So, I say .. forgiving yourself is the essence. It wasn’t your fault that this happened with you, you could have not seen this coming. You did no wrong. Once, you do this , you will reach a state of calmness in your head and the bad thoughts will reduce day by day. You will reach a point where you will be able to forgive the person who harmed you and free yourself from the shackles of sadness while learning from your mistakes too. Trust me on this. Train your mind to follow this practice and then just sit back and wait for the magic to happen on its own😇
Every time I saw you, I thought to myself “Oh! You are such a cutie! Such a happy puppy! I could almost see the smile on your face every time you saw me! I loved going to the farmhouse because I knew I would see you there running towards me, wagging your tail. Oh! the immense pleasure you brought to me. Every time I tickled or cuddled you, I felt my vain worldly troubles go away. You brought me utmost peace and joy . I am so sure you had no idea you were such an eternal bliss to me. You were just being you and I loved you for being such a pure soul. You were my angel who chose fur instead of wings. When I heard you fell sick, I knew I wanted to take you home, to keep you with me, wrap you warm in my arms till you got better. I still remember, the day you ate poison accidentally, I decided to shift you from the farmhouse to my house and get you back to normal. You looked so tiny, weak and fragile. It made me sad seeing you like this. You were such a plump happy pup before. I still remember driving you everywhere to get you that antidote so that you made it through the night. You were strong willed and wanted to live longer and I being my usual self was hell bound to do anything in my power to make you stay. Our hospital trips became regular and I was so sure of saving you. The doctors were positive as well. I still remember those kind eyes. I thought you were named lucky for a reason because you will fight this battle and come out alive. Oh! I was out of town for one day. That morning away from you felt weird like my heart was sinking for some reason unknown. I decided to call home to check on you. Everyone said you were fine but I wasn’t convinced. I think I was intuitive about you. I still decided to stay optimistic. I came home the next day only to learn that you had passed away last morning . I felt my world shift. Losing someone so close brought me utter grief. I dint know what to do, what to say. I brooded within. I tried everything to keep you, only to fail one day. Lucky wasn’t so lucky after all I thought. It makes my heart heavy to think that we are all just powerless puppets within the hands of destiny. Our strings can be cut, lifted up, dragged down anytime irrespective of the efforts we put in. I am sure whoever has lost a dog or puppy would know how it feels to loose one. “Baby, wherever you are..hope you are happy and in lesser pain. You will always be alive in my heart and this blog. Xoxo“.
So when do you know that you need to walk away? When do you know that enough is enough? What’s the definition of enough anyways? Everybody works within their own limitations, level of tolerance and persistence . Some of us are not easy quitters while a few of us give in easily. Who ends up doing better job in relationships ? I know I am making relationships sound like work right now but isn’t it? Isn’t it a job with mutual efforts and hard work from both ends in order to sustain it in the long run? I mean a one sided effort is only futile. Coming back to the question of who ends up doing better..the ones who just go with their instincts and leave instead of understanding, adjusting, being the bigger person or the ones who never give up on the ones they love irrespective of how they get treated in return ? There can be a lot of arguments around this. Maybe the ones who give in easily do so because they are extremely emotional which is why they hurt easily and just leave heartbroken. Maybe the stronger ones are always willing to stay and make the relationship work at any cost. A second theory could be completely contradicting i.e maybe the ones who leave early are strong enough to leave and the ones who choose to stay and work around it are more emotional and weak that’s why they have a hard time letting go. The truth is that we human beings are so complex in our mind and so different from each other that nothing can be generalised . I often hear people talk “They are no longer together because of his or her fault”. But the reality is that we never know. Even after living with someone for ten years or so, you just never know who he/she is. So, it’s best to just know yourself instead. The most fascinating thing about we Homo sapiens is that unlike machines “We cannot be controlled or made to think or function in a desired manner!” If something has to end, darling! It will! If it is meant to be, it will stay. Life is all gray. There is no black or white. We human beings are also changing constantly. Finding happiness within ourselves instead of finding it in a perfect relationship is the key to being happy forever. Also to be okay if things do not work as planned because you don’t know what life’s planned for you. Sometimes life surprises you with better things than expected ,isn’t it ?
I had enrolled myself for a beauty pageant in college. I was an eloquent cream skinned brunette, which made me think that I had fair chances of winning. Let’s say I was way too over confident about myself. While at the peak of ones youth, we all tend to have foolish airs about ourselves. I was no less. I cleared the first and second round easily. Now, the last round was left. I thought “I am winning this for sure. This is definitely a cake walk for me!” The question answer round started. Simple basic questions were being asked like what’s your definition of beauty, what would you change if you were the president of the country..etc..etc. Then came my turn. One of the people from the jury picked up the mike and asked “Hi Alice! So, if you become invisible for a day, what would you do?” “I thought ..this was a little different question. But it’s okay il answer it.” So, this is what I ended up saying. I innocently spoke the first thing that came to my mind. “I would like to enter my friends house and hear what they talk about me behind my back so that I know who my true friends are ..who would stay with me through thick and thin. Thank you !” Ofcourse I lost. I thought nobody was prepared to hear honest and blunt replies. Maybe they wanted me to talk about helping the poor or bringing about a positive change in the world. You know the idealistic answers. But were they any practical? No! I went home and told my parents “I dint win”! My mom consoled me with chocolate ice cream but my dad was curious. He asked me about the question I was asked and on hearing about my response, he laughed out loud. I felt a little small. I asked him” what’s so funny”! He said ” you know it was a competition, so you should’ve sounded more visionary or like a fantasist if you wanted to win but I am not laughing at your innocent reply sweety !” I was taken aback. “What is it then? Dad?” He went on : ” Honey, you don’t want to get invisible and hear what others talk or think about you because you will be surprised or shocked to know how little they actually think of you “! Live in your bubble of happiness. The ones who are good to you, treat them with kindness. The ones who are bad to you, ignore them. Sometimes knowing too much can hurt too much too. So, judge no one and don’t try and be so inquisitive about what’s going on in others heads always. “You can’t control how other people see you or think of you. And you have to be comfortable with that!” That’s a big part of growing up which most adults also forget sometimes. Just work on yourself and always see the best in people. Also, it’s important to not take things personally. What others talk about you, is their reality not yours! I’ve always treated this as one of my most important life lessons and I hope you treat it like one yourself. Peace out and happy weekend guys!!
I just realised that I have more than a 100 followers on WordPress. I want to thank you all for bearing with me. Writing is therapeutic for me and having people actually read my content, value and acknowledge my thoughts and follow my blog is really an icing on the cake. I couldn’t have asked for more. I really appreciate this guys…more than you may ever know. Happy blogging and thanks a ton again 💟🙏🏻
Hope..a word so close to home and still far far away from reality at the same time! They say hope sustains life. It encourages us to keep moving forward, to keep believing . When it comes to the work front, what is the use of hope without hardwork? I think It’s futile in relationships as well. So many poets have written elaborate poems and sonnets on how the lovers yearn and hope for the love of their beloved. Hope for her to return back one day..that she would realise his futile efforts and finally win her love, but does that really happen? Even the psychological connections/ telepathy fails to bring two individuals together if their thinking wavelength is not at the same pace. But still most of us live on hope or I would rather say “in denial”! I am not exactly an expert in relationships but I feel that people who drag you to the extent that you have to wait for them to return or in other words hope that they will return, hope that they will change one day is merely a waste of time. Love and stick to those who love you with their whole hearts..without any waiting period, without any false hopes! So what if he/she seemed so perfect for you or appeared to be your soulmate for some fragment of moments or even seconds in some cases. Just remember that nothing is perfect in this imperfect world. Settle for the heart that feels pure and is willing to accept you for who you are & dosent keep you lingering onto the vain word “HOPE“!