“All Great Changes are preceded by Chaos” Part 2 (3 min read)

What failed us? Was it me or you ? Whenever we hear that two people are heading towards a divorce , our mind gets cluttered with plethora of thoughts…”oh poor thing” So sad! “that’s just his side of the story , I wonder what’s hers?”, “Who is to be blamed”? “I hope he/she finds someone new & gets married again !”. Divorces are more complicated than we think they are! Gossip mongers get a reason to talk, families divide, kids (if involved) suffer the most! But most importantly it brings tremendous emotional damage to the two individuals who decide to part their ways! I was in a trauma for almost two years. My heart used to cry & beg her to come back whereas my pride used to always get ahead of me & stop me from making a fool of myself! I sold “our apartment”! I couldn’t stay there. My “so called home” felt like a haunted house with nothing but tasteful furniture in it! There was no warmth in this place. I felt cold & alone here. Sometimes I felt like the two walls of my bedroom were coming closer to each other with every coming day in a desperate attempt to choke me, to trap me within them so that I couldn’t break free! I dint want to go back home because I hated the way my parents looked at me with pity in their eyes. So, I brought myself a new apartment and stayed there alone. It felt better here. Hollow but without any bittersweet memories. My days went by just fine because I was busy in my job till the evening. The problem was only the nights. Even the darkness outside my room couldn’t match the deep dark thoughts in my mind! I was left alone, devastated. On one hand , I wanted to be alone & on the other hand, I hated feeling alone. Loneliness was eating up my soul again. Few of my friends suggested me to start dating again! I had gained a few pounds because of being depressed. I dint want to put myself out there anymore! The fear of rejection was even stronger than before. I knew I couldn’t do it. Some of my friends suggested online dating! My best friend Anna was in town. She called up and we decided to meet over a cup of coffee. She was the only person I could vent my heart out to. She motivated me to not loose hope! I don’t know how she does it! Motivates people with so much of positivity. We talked for hours & bid adieu to each other. My phone rang late in the night. It was Anna..she said “Hey Robbie, You have to be on Tinder. It’s an online dating app & so many friends of mine have really good things to say about it. “This is it buddy! Promise me you will register yourself there!” I felt a little excited after hearing this. I politely said “thank you” and kept the phone down. I thought maybe I should do this…then I thought even if I get lucky enough and find someone …when she asks me about my current status …What will I tell her? Single/Married/Divorce in progress? Lying seemed like a very tempting option right now. Maybe all girls deserved to be lied on! Maybe they dig bad boys! Maybe I should become one myself & date as many girls as possible ! I wanted to break hearts now! I had been on the receiving end for way too long now! The devil inside me was luring me to play bad & I was already enjoying the taste of this thought! Then my concious woke up & whispered in my ear.” If you become bad, how will you be different from the ones who emotionally murder others soul in cold blood?” I decided to channelise my energy to my work & post workout in the gym. I started feeling good about myself. Started socialising again. I received a call from our mutual friend one day…He said ” Hi..Ron..I was in a dilemma for the longest time whether I should tell you this or not but then I thought that as a good friend I should not keep you in the dark. I figured that this might help you move on too. Last night your wife went to her official party with a guy & introduced him as her husband taking your name!” All I could say is “okay ” & hung up. I could finally put together some pieces of the puzzle now. Maybe she was always in love with this guy. Was he a new guy or an old lover? Did she marry me because she was forced by her parents? I thought there could be only two things that coudve happened here : a) She was always in love with him that’s why she couldn’t accept me. b) After leaving me, she instantly feel in love with this new guy..the love she couldn’t feel with me inspite of my desperate attempts to make everything right . I wanted answers before. But now I dint want to know anymore! Whatever was the case, the hard truth was that she dint want me. I was done too. I wonder how did I get trapped in this maze! It took me two horrendous years to finally settle the divorce. I got myself a new job at a higher level. My hardwork had started paying off! One day I got a call from my childhood friend. He invited me over to his place for a house warming party for which I decided to go instantly. I was at a good place now. While getting ready, I looked at myself in the mirror & said..”you are an accomplished, self made man now! You don’t need a girl to make you happy! ” Brainy is the new sexy!” I gave myself a pat on my back & left for the party. I met him & my other old friends . It felt like coming home. I felt nostalgic , remembering those golden old days! Then suddenly I see a girl dressed in a chic black dress with long locks ! Whoa! She looked so attractive ! I had never found anyone so breathtakingly beautiful in the last three years! Our eyes met! I think she caught me looking at her just like a boy stares at his shining new car! She smiled back ! I looked away. She was walking towards me now! Oh my god! I felt my heart pumping at the same pace! Just like the last time .Was something wrong going to happen again? Was she going to insult me for starring too much! I froze! She came real close & gave a big hug to my childhood friend . I thought! Omg! I was caught starring at my friends girlfriend when he said…” Hey Ronnie, Meet Sally, my cousin from the U.S! There it was.. a sigh of relief! Sally & I have been dating for almost a year & a half now. Unlike before, we are madly in love! We have decided to take things slow this time. Miracles do happen and sometimes they are good people with kind hearts 💟

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