Say no to Abuse (2 min read)

“He was just in a bad mood!”

“He is actually going through a lot at work”                                                                              ” He dint mean to do it”

” I love him a lot so I will wait for him to change!”                                                           “He loves me but doesn’t have a control on his temper!” 

” I have to endure it because I have no place to go and this is easier than struggling out on my own!”                                                                    You often hear these excuses from women on being asked “why are they still with the man who abuses them?” Abuse is not just physical. It can be psychological and emotional too in the form of regular patterns of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism. Sometimes more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Generally, most women choose to stay in such relationships largely because of the following reasons:                            

“A low self esteem and confidence,

When they have no other place to go or have a financial dependency on their husbands, Scared of being alone,

To protect their children ,

To fake a normal family life in the eyes of the society ,

Abnormal childhood or dominating fathers ,

Some women get their sense of worth only after being with a man. ”  

I understand that these issues might be very difficult to cope up by a few of us but if we gather a little courage and decide when to draw a line….when to finally decide that enough is enough, nothing is impossible. If we do not hesitate to ask for help, even a little help of the right friends and family can give us a new, respectful life. Most of us are suppressed because of our dependency on men. Although it feels proud to see an alarming no of women working these days but still many of us choose to stay dependent instead. Most of the above mentioned factors are linked to being Independent. For instance, if you work and move out of the house everyday , you gain a sense of self confidence which in turn builds up a higher self esteem. Also you end up bringing financial stability to yourself and your child. Now coming on to the remaining points. I fail to understand why are we so scared of ending up alone. When in solitude, we (humans) are at the peak of our creativity . There are a million things one can do in order to channelise ones energy to do something productive. For those of you who have just been out of a toxic relationship, I say travel! They say one must travel as far as possible till you find yourself, till you let go off the thorn in your flesh. In this process one ends up meeting new people and making new friends who sometimes end up becoming companions for a lifetime. For those who believe in grieving alone for sometime or do not have friends and family, adopt a pet . They have magical healing powers. Whoever has a pet will be able to relate to what I am saying. There is nothing more blissful than coming home to a them. They would always greet you with the same excitement each day till their last breath unlike humans. They would never make you feel alone even for a second and are a great companions. According to a survey and to my astonishment, a lot of rich successful women also decide to stay in abusive relationships because of the fear of being judged in the society . What they fail to understand is that it’s us who make this society. If one strong woman, stands up for herself and steps away from a man who defy’s her, she will set the right example for many others who are too weak to take this step. I had once read an article on abnormal childhood . There were two twin boys who used to watch their father beat up their mother black and blue every night after getting drunk. But still, out of the two brothers only one blindly followed his fathers footsteps while the other choose to not do so. They witnessed the same behaviour every night and had the same childhood. Then why the change? Moral values and education is the answer. The other boy decided to not do the same because he was empathetic towards his mothers pain and decided to became a better human being unlike his father. Abnormal childhood can also be worked on if you reason your brain to question your deeds which most of us fail to do. One simple thought before going to bed about what wrongs you did and how to improvise on your actions can save many lives. This is indeed a never ending topic and I can keep going on and on but today the only thing I wanted to discuss was how to fight back the reasons why most of us stay being tortured. I often blame a part of this problem on the fairy tales who have always mentioned all princesses being saved by their Prince Charming because somewhere deep inside our hearts we are all waiting to be rescued by our perfect heroes. The tragic reality is that “Darling, you have to be your own hero because everyone is busy trying to save themselves“! Find your self worth first, only then can you make others see it. For all those who have gone through this at some point in their lives and are still depressed or lonely, find patience within yourself and don’t stop living! For all of you who are presently struggling in this situation , please gather the courage and move out of your situation…”Save yourself !”   

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30 thoughts on “Say no to Abuse (2 min read)

  1. Helpful much! Kinda reminds me of a discussion in Psychoanalysis about why women tend to like men who are jerks or abusive. Turns out that growing up, a girl immediately learns to love her mother. However, most mothers tend to beat up their children and, as a result, the daughters learn to associate love with hurt. This is because, if there is any persuasive truth in the universe it’s this: mothers actually do love their children despite the pain they inflict. If only they weren’t agnostic about the effect of their supposed love.

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  2. I agree with you, but feel sad for one of the comments about, mothers are beating up their kids. I think, we need to look around in our world and see, that not all places, it is normal to beat up kids. Many places parents go to jail, if they beat up their kids.

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    1. Of course it’s immoral to do so.. I feel verbal lessons are more useful to children rather than beating them up! But then there are all kinds of people in the world who do things without empathy …without remorse! All we can do is stay strong and find a way out instead.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, this is great. The quote you posted about an abuser having good days where he/she does do and say the right things is so completely true. That’s what makes it so hard to recognize the abuse, because it doesn’t happen all the time. It isn’t black and white like people may believe. Thank you for posting this and bringing attention to this issue.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you. Most of the abusers know exactly what to say and how to behave to lure their prey back. But there is always a pattern & its of immense importance that we draw the courage to put an end to this and not confuse this feeling to love because if you love someone, you don’t try and control them..Thanks for expressing your thoughts on the same !!

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  4. freedom is not only about women but it is necessary for any living being.But unfortunately,our society is abondoning the freedom of women.we have to give all living beings their freedom.women is no less.dues to some sort of necessities during our nomadic life,when they shared their work women got work of household because some other women who are pregnants should be seen by other women in early life.but eventually we thought that women are made for just sex and for doing household things which is wrong .e

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  5. That’s a post that transformed my helplessness into my tears… there are so many things that a women go through in life… God knew it that I am not that strong hence placed me in the men’s group…

    Wonderful, very sensitive post.. wishes and prayers for you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I agree emotional abuse can be difficult to prove sometimes but abuse is an abuse…You can read many articles online on emotional abuse exclusively if that might help your current situation . Nevertheless thanks for reading my post!

      Like

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